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Monday, January 23, 2017

How to Create and Maintain True Love in Your Marriage

10 Fundamental Things To Create & Nurture True Love In Your Marriage 
(A Must Read)

By: Chindah Chindah {Renowned Life and Relationship Coach}

True Love to many people is a fairy tale and a thing of the past. Many marriages are not experiencing and enjoying their union to its potential. ‘’True love is not a Myth but it's real if you create one’’ True Love for each other can be created and nurture to its fullest capability, but can also vanish if the two parties in the relationship take each other for granted and become complacent about their needs.

Let me share 10 fundamental things to create and nurture true love in your marriage:

1. Endeavour to give each other grace. Keep in mind that, while you both should try your best to love and respect each other in your marriage, you’re both bound to struggle with your personal weaknesses and come short thus in some marriage related areas. So, don’t expect perfection from each other. Instead, extend grace to each other every day – just as God does with you. Ask God to help you be patient with your spouse when he or she is slow to change and grow in certain areas. Encourage your spouse and trust God to help your spouse grow in the right timing. Don’t give he or she a time table to change but rather show love and patience to allow them to deal with their personal challenges in their weak areas.

2. Be thoroughly affectionate with each other. Touch each other in loving ways often (such as through hugs and back rubs in the form of massage after a busy and challenging day). Get a deep muscle massage book and buy the necessary oil, then go to work and get rid of all the stress in your spouse body. Give a sincere compliment to your spouse on his or her unique abilities to bless you and other people, and use affectionate words when communicating with each other. Don’t shout, yell or treat your spouse as a kid. Your spouse is an adult and not a child. Treat them with respect and dignity. Nobody likes to be treated like a toddler. So, ensure you show lots of kindness, gentleness, and affection to each other regularly.

3. Regularly enjoy a fun friendship with each other. Play together by going on dates regularly to enjoy recreational activities or moment apart for more bonding. Some other couples might think, this is a waste of time or this is meant for younger couples. This might not be entirely right because you need a lot of time together for continues bonding otherwise you might grow so cold in your marriage relationship eventually. Laugh together as often as possible. Influence each other equally, respecting each other as true partners. Learn something new about your spouse often so you’re always getting to know each other better. Find the right pace for your lifestyle so neither of you feels frustrated or stressed as you each pursue goals.

4. Resolve all conflicts and misunderstanding well and promptly. Talk with your spouse about what triggers each of you to get upset, irritated and possibly angry, and why. Keep in mind that while you can’t control your spouse’s anger, you can control your own – as well as the way you respond to your spouse. Take responsibility for your part in inflaming conflicts and aim to do all you can to work through conflicts calmly and productively. When you and your spouse disagree, pray together, asking God to give you wisdom. Identify what the real issue is and give each other equal opportunities to talk about the issue from each of your different perspectives. Take turns listening carefully to each other. Then discuss possible solutions, take a break to reflect on them, and get back together in a day or two to figure out how to proceed in a mutually beneficial way. Learn from your conflicts by discovering how your negative emotions can be turned to positive emotions the next time the same issues arise between you.

5. Husband Should help their wife feel more secure. God has created women with a fundamental need to feel secure. Women will respond positively to their husbands when they feel confident that they are safe and cared for in their marriages. Let your wife know that you value her for who she is and what she contributes to people’s lives. Notice her efforts and express your gratitude to her often. Women are seriously important in any peaceful home. A super happy wife is a super happy home and a super happy husband. Men are created to ensure the woman is protected and not to be beaten and abused as some so-called husband does. It’s shameful to hear a man is constantly abusing his wife no matter what the case may be. Any man that beat or hit his wife is the most ignorant man in the world. He needs all kinds of sorting out urgently. Please refer him to read- The Five Love Language and The Seasons of Marriage.

6. Wife Should make her husband’s life simpler. Husbands are most satisfied with their marriages when their lives are simple. So, help get rid of unnecessary stress in your husband’s life so he can relax as much as possible. Men mostly, don’t talk about their stress and when things are bothering them. They bottle up and wait for a saviour to melt the stuff away. An intuitive woman can easily figure out when the husband is undergoing stress or being bothered about work, money, kids etc. She will creatively look for ways to make him talk and make him relax. Ladies, I know you can do it because you have got the power. So, ladies, please as the need be, just go to work and get the stress out.

7. Husbands listen to your wife attentively. Wives are most satisfied with their marriages when their husbands genuinely listen to the thoughts and feelings they express. So, listen to your wife regularly, letting her know that you truly are fascinated with her and what she must say. I read that women speak an average of 50,000 words per day and men speak half of that. However, this varies, though. So, men anytime, your wife want to talk, let her talk and please look at her and focus properly, because she is about to possibly complete the remaining 18, 300 words balance of 50,000 words for that day. If you don’t allow her to speak and finish, by the end of the week, you might be owing her almost 155,000 words unspoken. Then, you must create more time to wait for her to finish the balance of the words. Don’t pretend that you are not listening now because a day shall come when she will explode with over 2,000000 words unspoken. To be honest, I don’t pray, you experience that day. So, create time to listen to her and let her talk and talk until she is finished each day. Don’t own her words unspoken. Be wise and man up.

8. Set your career goals mutually and cooperatively. Take turns developing each of your careers according to the unique abilities and earning power that each of you has. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you both balance your work and family responsibilities so that both of you can make your contributions and your relationship thrives. Ensure your goals and careers are not getting in the way of your relationship. If there is a sign, this is happening, make the necessary adjustment and talk amicably with prayerfulness as well for divine guidance.

9. Design and agree on a budget that reflects the best of who you are as a couple. Maximize your financial impact together by coordinating your financial goals with each of your motivational styles. Track your income and expenses, but also use your money to pursue each other’s hopes and dreams. Don’t sabotage your spouse dreams and career plans by manipulating the finances.

10. Create and cultivate an emotionally healthy environment. Encourage each other to be open, honest, and vulnerable when expressing thoughts and feelings in your marriage. Use loving body language, a gentle tone of voice, and kind words when communicating with each other. Your home is a power house when treating with respect. Be yourself and don’t try to hide secrets from each other. This is dangerous. Your home is your earthly blessing, take care of it and do not allow an external intruder to scatter it or cause problems for you. In the event, you notice this, have a talk as friends and decide what to do and act accordingly.

Let’s stop here for now because- The Divorce-Proof Marriage Book will have so much to talk about with practical ways to live in true love state and continuous experience of it with a peaceful and happy home here on earth.

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